Random collections of thoughts, the first of many of these.

Hey four people who decided to follow this,

I appreciate the support. My fan base has nearly doubled since I last checked.

I really miss when AOL instant messenger was the internet communication medium of choice. It was a simpler time. Every message was a private message. Unless it was in a chat room. But even then once the window was closed all record of the communication was gone forever. Now I am internet pariah because once four years ago I told a girl on myspace that I hoped she got the worst kind of cervical cancer.

I also miss it because the AIM info box was the best. You could put song lyrics in it and you knew people would read them because that was the only feature AIM had. And you read everyone's info what else were you going to do. What are you going to do now. Make your status update lyrics. That's not honest.

I had more nonsense going on in my skull but I lost my train of thought when I started taking requests. And here it is

Alicia Orders
Pastrami when she knocks that
guy into the pool.

Yay haiku!

Love

Ted.

Unemployed Moment of Clarity.

Hello Internet Fans,

Its time for a second blogtastic blog. So if you are reading this I assume you are a friend of mine and know that I am and have been unemployed for the past several months... Either that or you are a potential employer who has googled my name and this popped up. So anyway I have been more than happy to sit around and mooch off the tax payers, but at some point sleeping all day and watching the Food Network gets old. So the job hunt has been kicked into high gear.

Here is the problem I have been running into, I have no skills. I have no formal training to do an actual job. I have no experience other than working at a preschool for four years. I can't work sales because I'm not a slimy douche bag salesman. I have no idea how to interact with other adults so anything that involves human contact is out. And most of all I don't have a college degree so I will not even be considered for most sit around and contribute nothing jobs.

Not that I am really that interested in anything like that. All those job descriptions use phrases like "good team player" "follows instructions well" and "corporate culture". What the fuck is corporate culture? From what I can tell it is the institutionalized worship of money and mediocrity. Really its just smart useless people getting dumb useless people to do useless work that makes everything else a little bit more useless.

Here's the moment of clarity I had. I am a smart useless person. I know it's a rigged system, But I can be an arrogant douche that is completely condescending to everyone else. The reason I don't have a high paying job as an executive somewhere is because none of my friends are highly paid executives. So now my job search has become a search for new friends.

Here is the deal I am making to any corporate types out there, anyone who will vouch for me and get me a job with a title that sounds something like executive vice president of corporate resource management, I will be your best friend. Benefits of my friendship I am hilarious, I will make your bar trivia team a winner, I can keep a secret, and well... well I don't actually know what a friend is suppose to do... Damn it.

From the Terminally Unemployable,
Ted

First Blog! YAY! BLOGGING!

Dear The Internet,

It is I, Ted Pettingell. This is my first blog Post. Blog Blog Blog Blog. I'm so hip. Anyway I'm starting this blog because I need to further my presence on the internet. This will serve as my official website until I can get a proper site off the ground. Thanks to my friend Matt Kona for giving me the idea. I will link to his blog as soon as figure out how to do that. I chose the title Ted Pettingzoo because it is easier to spell than my last name. Anyway I look forward to the validation you will all be soon giving reading my useless thoughts.

Love
Theodore